Fallen Angel's Journal [entries|friends|calendar] Fallen Angel [ userinfo | deadjournal userinfo ] [ calendar | deadjournal calendar ]

If you don't quit it. [15 Apr 2004|09:59pm] [ mood | cranky ] Ok, first of all, I'd like to tell you all that I am going to switch to livejournal.com, purely for the fact that someone who knows this web page has been posting shit I don't feel llike hearing, without full knowledge of the circumstances. Therefore, anyone who wants to know the address of my new journal needs to reply to this comment, or e-mail me within a week. Thanks!!!! 2 comments|post comment

WHY?????!!!!!!! [12 Apr 2004|12:54am] [ mood | pissed off ] My mom got online and found my deadjournal, and READ it!!! She knew what it was, and that it was private (from her at least)and she still read it. Not like I care if she knows this shit, but jeez! It is still my private shit, and she knew that before she went reading it! 6 comments|post comment

Wanna Help? [07 Apr 2004|06:05pm] Hey all, I know someone who is having a baby, and she can't pick a boy's name out. Those of you who know who the mommy is, it's a SECRET, don't be telling anyone til she says so. Anyhow, vote for a name on this list to help her out. > Aiken > Aidan > Arkady > Braden > Brady > Eliot, Elliot, Elliott > Gage > Hale > Jackson > Liam > Luke, Lucas > Mason > Owen > Raidon, Rayden, Raiden > Tate > Xander 5 comments|post comment

MUC papers [24 Mar 2004|04:58pm] [ mood | content ] [ music | What da hook gon be? ] I got my papers today, and I wrote on the back like it requests, this is what I wrote: I would like to be considered for readmission to Mount Union in order to continue to pursue my undergraduated degree in sociology. I was able to maintain a stable GPA at THiel college, howevre, I prefer the curriculum of the sociology and french departments at Mount Union due to their superior comprehensive nature. I enjoy the atmosphere of faculty and students at Mount Union much more than the atmosphere of THiel college. Please conisder me for readmission based on these reasons. Thank you for you time in considering my application. Sincerely...Sabrina R Williams 1 comment|post comment

boys I know [23 Mar 2004|10:10pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | theme to charmed. ] "I am the sun, and I am the air, I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does, se I've already waited too long, all my hope is through."-Charmed So, update on boys I know. The ones of consequence, anyhow. (Not the friend type, the more than friend type) AJ, Mystery Guy, Pat, Zack, and Jeff, in no particular order: AJ- I gave him the money I owed him, and we're not talking anymore, and I am kinda glad, because he messed up a lot of good chances for me. Mystery Guy- (the guy I met in junior high, who I have been hanging out with sometimes recently) He has been uber busy with 2 fire departments, working in Edinboro, and trying to live his life, but I feel like I am being blown off, chalk it up to women being oversensitive. Pat- I like him, he says he's interested in me again, I am waiting to see where this goes, because it would be fun. Zack- he called me tonite, it is his 18th birthday. He tells me he almost got expelled, I tell him he's an idiot, and he tells me he doesn't care what I think. I tell him not to call back until he cares, and he calls back, to try to use people at school making fun of him as an excuse. Jeff- he has a mystery girl, he won't tell anyone who it is. I wish I was still there, then I would be with him, or so I think. I would have been able to convince him, but it's time to move on, he did. 1 comment|post comment

My tirade(sp?) about children again, in detail [23 Mar 2004|10:09pm] I'm 20, but I have done a lot in my life. I have been in love, I have been in other countries, I have been in trouble, I have drank, partied, done some illegal things, and got caught half the time, I have been to college, I have had a job, many jobs, some I liked, and some that were unfulfilling. I have paid bills, and lived on my own, I have been homeless, unwanted, crazy, uncureable, loved, hated, wanted, I have been through a ton of emotional experiences, and physical life experiences. There is more left to do, but there's nothing left on my to-do list, other than to have kids. I have come to the reaization that it would be nice to be married, but I really don't care all that much about it. I would be happy now to give up whatever is inmy future to raise children, mine, someone elses, I don't care. I love kids, they are very important to me, and emotionally, I think my biological clock went off too early. However, that is the empty spot, others have different ones, and others will not agree with mne. They say I am to young, too immature, to know what I want,t hat I need to live more, but I say, how do you know? What have you done, and what is there left that you want to do? I have done all these things, and now this is what I want to do. I know that I wouldn't regret it, because there is nothing left I want to do or need to do so much that I cannot put my life on hold for someone else. Ppl say they won't have kids til they have "enough money", did you know that it was mathematicall proven that you cannot, in your lifetime, save up "enough money" to afford them? You have to go along with your life doing what you can, and sacrificing for yourself to support them. Did you know it takes a million dollars to raise a normal, healty child from birth to age 18, that's not including braces, glasses, medical treatments, college, cars, or anything YOU yourself might need money for, like bills, and maintenance stuff. It's only food, regular checkups at the doctor, and clothes. Nothing else. So, That's my tirade abot how I want to have kids. it's retarded, and it makes no sense in the context of my life, but it is what I was thinking about. post comment

more weird dreams [21 Mar 2004|01:05pm] I went back to sleep, and I started dreaming more, this time it was that Kierston, and Mir, and some gay guy lived in the upstairs bedrooms of my house. Also, I had gotten a brand new keyboard, and it was on the sink in the bathroom, but the bathroom lights wouldn't turn on. I got water on it, and it stopped working, so I went upstairs to borrow a cigarette from Mir, who doesn't smoke in real life, and I hit my right elbow on her head, it felt like the funny bone. They were all eating microwave rice stuff...I have no idea what that is all about. I keep having dreams that include elements of both colleges. Now they're combining at my house. I really need help with this! 1 comment|post comment

nightmares and other weird dreams of consequence [21 Mar 2004|01:23am] [ mood | restless ] Ok, it started out the other day, after I got kicked off campus. I was really worried about it, and my first dream had to do with that, so it makes sense, I was standing across the raod fromt he campus, and there was a force field or something, my friend Mir couldn't cross to get off campus and see me. We were yelling back and forth, the it skips to this darkness, and all I can see is that I have some red square-ish thing in my hands, feels like fabric. Then I resolved my issues at thiel, and it's all good now, because I am thinking about going back to MUC. THen I dream about this guy I have been sorta seeing, the "mystery guy" This was this afternoon before I got up. I dreamed that he called, and wanted me to meet him at the fire department he and my father volunteer for, at 10:30pm, in order to go see a movie, and I agree. My step-dad goes to drive me, and takes me the other direction. When I realize it, he says it will take him an hour to get back to the right place, even though it's a 15 minute drive. I notice this at 9:49pm. This last dream I just had, I woke up, it was 1:15am, I had gone to bed early tonite. I woke up in a cold sweat, and shaking. The dream was about Thiel and me not being allowed there, but like I said, I have made my peace. This happened like back at the beginning of March. So, in the dream, I am outside Elliot hall, of MUC, with my blanket and pillow, and teddy bear, and my palm pilot. Jason and Fuzzy are inside with a bunch of their friends, and they're all dressed like they're straight from the 70's, and they're all really skinny. I get in the building, and we're in there, and about to go to bed when someone knocks on the door. They're yelling that it's the police, and they want to talk to me. So Marianne Calenda, the associate dean of students of thiel, think Petko of MUC, comes in, in a pink sweatshirt. This is odd too because hse's very businesslike as a general rule, even when she's off duty she's dressed in pantsuits and the like. She tells me that I have to spend a minimum of 2 days in jail. I am telling J what to do with my stuff, and not to lose my teddy bear, and I notice that my rainbow umbrella is on the ceiling, and I tell him not to forget it, and all J's friends including Fuzzy leave, in muscle cars and jacked up pickups. In the back ground is playing some 70's or 80's song, lyrics I remember are "Love is creul, love can be strong, you gotta get right back to where you started from" So, I wake up, for real, in a cold sweat, shaking, get a smoke, get online, and immediately tell my friends from Thiel that I quit smoking weed. I think that's part of the dreams I have been having, I have not smoked since I got kicked out of thiel, and all of a sudden, I don't need to. So, I also think this might have something to do with needing to make a decision about going back to Mount. I am not sure, if you have a dream book, or have an interpertation, please let me know. 1 comment|post comment

hair, what? [17 Mar 2004|05:42pm] [ mood | chipper ] [ music | I want ot Conquer the World- Bad Religion (or Pennywise) ] My hair is brown!!!! I am so NOT used to this, it looks all dark and weird, BUT it finally matches my eyebrows for once, and it's healthier, it BETTER be after I spent 4 hours, no joke, 4 hours, at the salon this morning. They took like 3 inches off, and I can still put it in my everyday bun thing, but now it's brown. This is so WEIRD!!! But I really like it, anyone have a scanner or a digicam so I can get a pic online? *kisses* post comment

Life in general [16 Mar 2004|06:23pm] [ mood | cranky ] [ music | Fuck it, the male version ] Ok, so in the last few months my life has taken a lot of weird and very SHARP turns...mostly for the worse. I have gone from attepmting to stop being an alcoholic, to being a pothead, to being told I cannot hang out with my friends, so now I am very lonely. I did all this shit to myself, I know it, and I wish I could change it, but it is really hard to make a comeback from the depths to which I have fallen. My goal now is to get rid of this job from hell, and get one that I like, stop being so annoyed at the general public, go on dates, and make new friends, since my old ones are far away, and my current ones are too damned busy to hang out. I want to buy a car/ or get an apartment. Maybe both, I dislike living with my parents, it is stressful. I also dislike physically and emotionally demanding food service jobs. I also dislike not having friends I can be with and being lonely in the "serious relationship" department. So, basically, I dislike my life, and I want to get a new one. It's really hard, it is so tempting to fall back into the easy, drunken, high, party life I made for myself before, but there's nothing really there for me, it is just a distraction from what would really make me happy. What, you ask, would really make me happy? To have Lindsey, Mir, Lish, and Jason right next door, or in the same house as me, although they'd all kill each other eventually. To have a job I am good at without a ton of effort, and that pays well, to have a car, and to be self-sufficient, and to have boys who are available and within the immediate area want to go out with me, to have babies around me, to have a purpose, and to be needed, really needed. I cannot believe I have managed to ruin my life this bad in such a short period of time. I am really irritable about it. I need help/suggestions on how to fix it. 1 comment|post comment

Half a glass of pop and a piece of pizza, per request [16 Mar 2004|01:06am] These 2 old ppl came in, sat down and ordered half a glass of root beer and a "piece of pizza" they did not even specify what kind! And THEN once i got them to order a small pizza, with specific toppings, they wanted to know why I couldn't only charge them 1/2 the price for half a glass instead of the whole price...cheapos! post comment

Work suck, I know.... [15 Mar 2004|08:02pm] [ mood | exhausted ] [ music | the chick version of Fuck all this shit, it's new! ] Well, I had my 3rd day at this pizza hut, and it was so LONG! I was there for a half hour longer than I was supposed to be (total of 8 hours with no food, potty, or smokes, and for 4 hours of it I was alone with another new guy, and we seemed to do alright, but, of course, once my boss got there I screwed up everything I touched. It was horrible, and I am tired as hell. :( 1 comment|post comment

For Lisha [15 Mar 2004|03:28am] [ mood | blah ] [ music | Toxic Love- Britney Spears ] SparkieDJ723 (2:25:30 AM): hey talk to me on here connlkangel (2:25:36 AM): ok SparkieDJ723 (2:26:07 AM): i wanted to lie down for a little so i got on my other computer connlkangel (2:26:12 AM): oh, ok connlkangel (2:26:47 AM): man, youhave me all worried now SparkieDJ723 (2:26:57 AM): why is that connlkangel (2:27:09 AM): I dunno if I want to meet you if you're that worried about how I look SparkieDJ723 (2:27:32 AM): im not that worried connlkangel (2:27:56 AM): now I am though SparkieDJ723 (2:28:08 AM): im cute you have nothing to worry about connlkangel (2:28:33 AM): I am not worried abot you, I don't care what you look like, I am worried about what I lok like, I am probably not good enough for you SparkieDJ723 (2:29:22 AM): if you look like you did in that pic she sent me i would be all over you connlkangel (2:29:36 AM): theone where I am drunk and tired and have red hair and look 14? SparkieDJ723 (2:29:47 AM): haha connlkangel (2:30:06 AM): I'm serious SparkieDJ723 (2:30:26 AM): yeah that was the one i was talking about connlkangel (2:30:40 AM): okaaaay SparkieDJ723 (2:31:24 AM): you shoudl have seen me a month before graduation senior year. i look nothing like i do now connlkangel (2:31:24 AM): well, I better tell you the one I am most worried about telling you connlkangel (2:31:52 AM): it's like the point at which I can tell if i am going to be able to get alone with someone SparkieDJ723 (2:32:08 AM): what? connlkangel (2:32:13 AM): I smoke cigarettes SparkieDJ723 (2:32:36 AM): ouch connlkangel (2:32:46 AM): yeah, I know you don't want to meet me now SparkieDJ723 (2:33:11 AM): i would still meet you connlkangel (2:33:31 AM): yeah? SparkieDJ723 (2:33:46 AM): yeah connlkangel (2:33:58 AM): it is a yucky habit...I'm sorry connlkangel (2:34:03 AM): it ruins a lot of friendships SparkieDJ723 (2:34:37 AM): i prob would still want to meet you, but i dont know if i could date a girl that smoked. its one of my picky things i have connlkangel (2:35:14 AM): yeah,t his is why I tell ppl,because one of my picky things is ppl who nag me to quit, because I will, when I need to/want to/have a good reason to SparkieDJ723 (2:35:57 AM): if it was the right girl and that was the only thing that bothered me about her, i prob wouldnt let it get in the way connlkangel (2:36:06 AM): *shrug* sorry then SparkieDJ723 (2:36:37 AM): its okay SparkieDJ723 (2:36:42 AM): no biggy connlkangel (2:36:54 AM): I would love to complain about how ppl are not tolerant enough about it, but I am intolerant about somethings too SparkieDJ723 (2:37:32 AM): well if we meet and i like ya and stuff then i dont think i would let that bother me connlkangel (2:37:44 AM): it's not like I am a chimney or anything.... connlkangel (2:38:13 AM): Ican go 4 or 5 hours without having to smoke, I can avoid it if necessary, it's just a habit SparkieDJ723 (2:38:26 AM): smoking doesnt bother me cause i am around it all the time, but its nasty to kiss a girl that smokes if you dont connlkangel (2:38:32 AM): gum? SparkieDJ723 (2:38:41 AM): perhaps connlkangel (2:38:43 AM): the wonders of eclipse gum SparkieDJ723 (2:39:23 AM): lol connlkangel (2:39:28 AM): I just don't usually date non-smokers because they nag and complain SparkieDJ723 (2:39:37 AM): yup connlkangel (2:39:56 AM): it's like I am not a fan of beer breath, and it bugs ppl when I complain about it SparkieDJ723 (2:40:09 AM): haha beer is nasty connlkangel (2:40:15 AM): beer is disgusting SparkieDJ723 (2:40:15 AM): but i had my fair share of it this week connlkangel (2:40:18 AM): eww connlkangel (2:40:59 AM): I don't drink much anymore, I get headaches from big parties now connlkangel (2:41:46 AM): guess I got old or something SparkieDJ723 (2:41:52 AM): i dont get hangovers and i never throw up, but it also doesnt take much to get me drunk connlkangel (2:42:13 AM): I get really sick if I drink much anymore, I did it too often at MUC SparkieDJ723 (2:42:28 AM): i have never drank here connlkangel (2:42:38 AM): I used to be drunk WAY too often there SparkieDJ723 (2:43:09 AM): how do you dress? connlkangel (2:43:36 AM): jeans, shirt, long sleved shirt under it, hoodie, that's my winter uniform pretty much SparkieDJ723 (2:44:28 AM): gotcha connlkangel (2:44:44 AM): ? connlkangel (2:44:48 AM): is that bad too>? SparkieDJ723 (2:45:07 AM): no but it tells alot about your personality connlkangel (2:45:11 AM): it does? connlkangel (2:45:13 AM): like what? SparkieDJ723 (2:46:08 AM): well do you wear baggie jeans? connlkangel (2:46:11 AM): no connlkangel (2:46:15 AM): usually flares SparkieDJ723 (2:47:01 AM): what kind of hoodies connlkangel (2:47:23 AM): what do you mean, aren't they all pretty much the same? connlkangel (2:47:45 AM): zip up the front, with pockets? SparkieDJ723 (2:48:19 AM): like brand connlkangel (2:48:42 AM): brand? Cheap. Whatever's on sale, I have one from Kmart and one from Joe Boxer that was on clearance, I am poor SparkieDJ723 (2:48:59 AM): gotcha SparkieDJ723 (2:49:32 AM): we are completely different on that area connlkangel (2:49:33 AM): one's blue with light blue #8's on it, the other is black velvet connlkangel (2:49:36 AM): how so> SparkieDJ723 (2:50:06 AM): my hoodies are all aeropostale, gap, or polo connlkangel (2:50:20 AM): I wish I had that kind of money connlkangel (2:50:22 AM): I am a waitress SparkieDJ723 (2:50:45 AM): you dont sound like the preppy type connlkangel (2:50:55 AM): sorry, I have to work for what I have SparkieDJ723 (2:51:32 AM): its okay connlkangel (2:51:49 AM): I live with my parents, but I still have to buy my own food and clothes and wash my own laundry and everythng else, I am a grown up now, they're done helping me SparkieDJ723 (2:52:08 AM): awww connlkangel (2:52:11 AM): I like clothes from express connlkangel (2:52:19 AM): but they're expensive, I only have a few items connlkangel (2:52:30 AM): and I have jeans from there, but they're sall ripped form age SparkieDJ723 (2:52:46 AM): haha i have jeans with holes in the butt. they sexy connlkangel (2:52:58 AM): I have too many pairs, almost all of mine are ripped connlkangel (2:53:09 AM): I patched them, so now I look punk as all get out connlkangel (2:55:30 AM): you're cute, and you're nice, but i have to say I don't think we'd get along as more than friends at this point, unless there's something about you I don't know that will change my mind SparkieDJ723 (2:56:01 AM): who knows connlkangel (2:56:33 AM): I dunno, I am really proud of the little i have, and the way that I am SparkieDJ723 (2:56:52 AM): we shall see what happens connlkangel (2:56:56 AM): ok connlkangel (2:57:37 AM): I dunno if maybe this is bad, but I never worried about my clothes or my hair, or makeup, or my weight/figure, I always worried about my personality SparkieDJ723 (2:57:50 AM): interesting connlkangel (2:57:54 AM): it is? connlkangel (2:57:59 AM): Maybe I grew up too fast SparkieDJ723 (2:58:00 AM): yeah SparkieDJ723 (2:58:10 AM): most girls arent like that connlkangel (2:58:14 AM): I am though SparkieDJ723 (2:58:27 AM): different is good though connlkangel (2:58:36 AM): different can be hard though SparkieDJ723 (2:58:55 AM): yes, but you shouldnt be like everyone else or try to be SparkieDJ723 (2:58:56 AM): im not connlkangel (2:59:04 AM): I am not used to guys who care abot their clothes or what other ppl think about hte way they look, I am used to guys who are worried about their car, and how they're goign to get to work connlkangel (2:59:16 AM): the country does that too you I guess connlkangel (2:59:55 AM): danm, I have to get up in like 7 huors SparkieDJ723 (3:00:04 AM): i have to get up in 4.5hrs connlkangel (3:00:06 AM): ew SparkieDJ723 (3:00:11 AM): first i have to fall asleep SparkieDJ723 (3:00:13 AM): then i have to get up connlkangel (3:00:43 AM): I guess I just focused on how I acted rather than how I looked after my parents stopped supporting me, I was very worried about how I looked in high school, I was a cheerleader and all SparkieDJ723 (3:01:26 AM): i never worried about how i look. it just comes natural connlkangel (3:01:45 AM): I worried about it then, I was the mean, nasty, seflish, popular head cheerleader SparkieDJ723 (3:01:47 AM): i get dressed nice every once in a while, but normally you will see me in sweats and a hoodie connlkangel (3:02:00 AM): sweats huh? I never wear them out of the house SparkieDJ723 (3:02:41 AM): 4 out of 5 days during the week thats what i wear connlkangel (3:02:45 AM): hehe connlkangel (3:02:51 AM): so what does my style say about me? connlkangel (3:02:55 AM): I am curious SparkieDJ723 (3:03:00 AM): lol SparkieDJ723 (3:05:13 AM): well you are unique connlkangel (3:05:27 AM): how do you figure? SparkieDJ723 (3:05:49 AM): cause you dont dresslikeeveryone else connlkangel (3:05:57 AM): ok SparkieDJ723 (3:07:06 AM): i wouldnt worry about it connlkangel (3:07:17 AM): I don't connlkangel (3:07:39 AM): people either come up and talk to me, or they don't...either way, I don't have to worry about false friends SparkieDJ723 (3:08:01 AM): if i dont like you its more than likely because i am a nitpick and can find things i dont like, not that you have anything wrong with you personally connlkangel (3:08:17 AM): well, if you're a nitpick, you do what makes you happy connlkangel (3:08:28 AM): I am not worried about it, I have been single before, andi will be again connlkangel (3:08:58 AM): I can be one too,b ut about different htings SparkieDJ723 (3:09:10 AM): the past 4 years i have been single about 5 months connlkangel (3:09:30 AM): Ihave been single since july connlkangel (3:09:43 AM): and before that I was single almost a year because I lost the love of my life SparkieDJ723 (3:09:43 AM): did you break up with him connlkangel (3:09:48 AM): yes, I did SparkieDJ723 (3:09:51 AM): why connlkangel (3:09:55 AM): which one? SparkieDJ723 (3:10:03 AM): the recent one connlkangel (3:10:16 AM): oh, because I loved him and I was scared out of my mind, and he was ready to propose SparkieDJ723 (3:10:23 AM): oh connlkangel (3:10:28 AM): so I told him I didn't love him....I lied connlkangel (3:10:36 AM): and now we don't speak connlkangel (3:11:06 AM): and the one before that dumped me because I was going through a rough tie and he couldn't be there to support me SparkieDJ723 (3:11:15 AM): oh connlkangel (3:11:17 AM): yeah SparkieDJ723 (3:11:45 AM): i just got out of a long relationship not so long ago connlkangel (3:11:52 AM): yeah? why? If I can ask SparkieDJ723 (3:12:11 AM): i guess she wasnt happy, but i think she was cheating on me connlkangel (3:12:28 AM): well, if she's not getting enough attention, it's pretty normal SparkieDJ723 (3:13:03 AM): oh believe me she got enough attention from me connlkangel (3:13:10 AM): or the right kind? SparkieDJ723 (3:13:19 AM): non sexaul connlkangel (3:13:42 AM): well, if that's the kind she needed, then she got it elsewhere SparkieDJ723 (3:14:20 AM): she isnt like that connlkangel (3:14:49 AM): if she was cheating on you,then maybe she IS like that SparkieDJ723 (3:15:01 AM): i only think she was but she said she didnt connlkangel (3:15:10 AM): well, you might not ever know SparkieDJ723 (3:15:18 AM): there were somethings that happened and things she said that made it seem that she was SparkieDJ723 (3:15:25 AM): but i will never know the truth connlkangel (3:15:27 AM): well, it's ok, it's over now SparkieDJ723 (3:15:32 AM): yep SparkieDJ723 (3:15:38 AM): and i see the bitch every single day connlkangel (3:15:48 AM): it happens, that's how you know she's not hte right girl SparkieDJ723 (3:16:13 AM): i thought she was. i never was that happy in my entire life than i was when i was with her connlkangel (3:16:37 AM): did she change, did you? Someties ppl grow apart, or something happens to them indie...I have been there connlkangel (3:16:44 AM): *inside SparkieDJ723 (3:17:06 AM): whatever happened was all with her becuase i was completely caught off guar SparkieDJ723 (3:17:12 AM): guard* connlkangel (3:17:20 AM): plus, you're what? 19, there's plenty of time SparkieDJ723 (3:17:31 AM): yeah connlkangel (3:17:53 AM): yeah connlkangel (3:18:19 AM): unfortunately, all my friend are married with kids already and they htink I wasted my time in college SparkieDJ723 (3:18:25 AM): lol SparkieDJ723 (3:19:04 AM): i have beeen trying to find other girls to date and see where that goes, but thats another area i have been having trouble with connlkangel (3:19:11 AM): why? connlkangel (3:19:14 AM): Not ready yet? SparkieDJ723 (3:19:20 AM): no im ready connlkangel (3:19:22 AM): oh SparkieDJ723 (3:19:32 AM): cant find the girl connlkangel (3:19:36 AM): oh connlkangel (3:19:44 AM): who was your last gf, did I know her? SparkieDJ723 (3:19:52 AM): most of the ones i have been interested in have had bf's SparkieDJ723 (3:20:02 AM): jackie atkinson connlkangel (3:20:08 AM): what year is she? SparkieDJ723 (3:20:17 AM): same as me, sophomore now connlkangel (3:20:30 AM): you're a year behind me, I dunno if I know her at all connlkangel (3:20:44 AM): I was in the foreign language house.... SparkieDJ723 (3:20:56 AM): gotcha connlkangel (3:21:05 AM): know anyone from there? SparkieDJ723 (3:21:08 AM): nope connlkangel (3:21:12 AM): hmmm... SparkieDJ723 (3:21:38 AM): i think what i need to do is grow some balls and talk to girls in person connlkangel (3:21:38 AM): it's split the top floor is witches and goths and punks, and the bottom floor is devout christian preppies connlkangel (3:21:45 AM): you should, it is fun connlkangel (3:21:58 AM): the rejection is so much worth it when you hit it off with one SparkieDJ723 (3:21:58 AM): i usualy dontcause i dont like to hear the word no connlkangel (3:22:14 AM): oh SparkieDJ723 (3:22:15 AM): or i have a bf thats the other most popular line connlkangel (3:22:51 AM): well, I technicall yhave a boyfriend but he's 17, he's dating someone else and I have not seen him since valentne's day....we're "seperated" as he puts it SparkieDJ723 (3:23:19 AM): im not the type of guy that can just go up and start talkng to a girl. it just seems stupid connlkangel (3:23:23 AM): and I made a boy very sad when I was excited to talk to you, he wanted me connlkangel (3:23:28 AM): but it is so fun! SparkieDJ723 (3:23:39 AM): i did this week when i was out of town connlkangel (3:23:45 AM): how did it go? SparkieDJ723 (3:23:49 AM): but i was drunk and no one knew who i was connlkangel (3:23:53 AM): haha SparkieDJ723 (3:24:00 AM): it was at a party you couldnt even hear eachother SparkieDJ723 (3:24:22 AM): there is one store at the mall with cute chicks i think i am going to go and chat wth SparkieDJ723 (3:24:24 AM): maybe connlkangel (3:24:37 AM): what store? what mall? SparkieDJ723 (3:24:54 AM): the carnation mall. i dont remember hte name of the store, but it is kinda new SparkieDJ723 (3:25:11 AM): its right next to bath and body works connlkangel (3:25:12 AM): hmmm....what kind of store? SparkieDJ723 (3:25:18 AM): clothing store SparkieDJ723 (3:25:26 AM): they sell like american eagle and stuff connlkangel (3:25:48 AM): ahh, I see, you want to talk to girls who lok a certian way, hoping that they're the way you want them to be SparkieDJ723 (3:26:01 AM): its a start connlkangel (3:26:19 AM): it's pretty superficial I think SparkieDJ723 (3:27:04 AM): its pretty much the only store i have seen with cute girls in it connlkangel (3:27:16 AM): try your luck SparkieDJ723 (3:27:24 AM): i will maybe even tomorrow connlkangel (3:27:26 AM): We can be friends, but that's all, does that sound ok? SparkieDJ723 (3:27:30 AM): sure connlkangel (3:27:38 AM): good, now I need to go to bed,and so do you SparkieDJ723 (3:27:43 AM): yes i do connlkangel (3:27:46 AM): goodnight SparkieDJ723 (3:27:57 AM): night 1 comment|post comment

What??? [10 Mar 2004|02:36pm] [ mood | confused ] [ music | My Name Is- Eminem ] I have put my cell phone to rest until after I manage to pay this $108 bill, because now creditors are calling me about my sears card and my school loans that I cannot pay. I worked on Monday, but I do not work again until Saturday due to all the funeral stuff. I have been spending time cleaning the house because we are going to get a lot of guests in the next few days, and I am babysitting the little kids during the funeral. Also, I am going today to sign my cadillac over to the guy who is buying it because I need the $350 he is going to give me. Hopefully I will be able to get rid of some of my debt this way. Things are hectic around here right now because my great grandma left a funky will and we all are having problems accepting some of the things she wrote in it. I went to Dan's house and played cards. My mom wasn't too happy when I came home at 11:30am, but she'll live. Right now I feel personally responsible for the whole world, and I know it's not ttrue, but stress gets to me like that. I talked to Maranda, and she said she talked to the president of thiel's secretary and set up an appointment tot talk to him about me getting kicked off campus. The secretary said she thinks we have a case, and that I should be able to be allowed back on. Everyone is pulling me in 100 directions again, I don't know what I want to do, my mom wants me to work and save for a car, Mir wants me to live with her int he summer and go back to school in the fall, my friend Lish from Ohio wants me to move with her in Alliance and go back to Mount Union, and I want to hide in a hole somewhere and cry. Everything is so tense that I have had an upset tummy for days. ARGH!!!! 1 comment|post comment

Why? [06 Mar 2004|11:19pm] [ mood | crushed ] Why? I want to cry because I tried to push it away, but I can't. It all started on Dec. 30th. I met Jeff at the bar, the second night I was living with J in Cleveland. I got trashed, and we slept together, and I tried not to think about it, I was sick, and it happens when you're drunk. Karla got mad, and I got possessive, but not for the right reasons. I wanted him because it gave me satisfaction to know that I got him first. That's retarded, and I didn't even like him then. But, as the weeks went on, and we slept together, and talked at night, and I got him to hold me, and we exchanged test messages, and we became what I considered to be friends, he let out a soft side to me, once in a while. That's when it happened, it turned from an innocent fling, where I was just trying to have fun, to a real feeling. He didn't know, at least I don't think so. Then I got pregnant. Yup, I lied to everyone I've talked to about it, but it was his, no one else was in my life. I had been telling him I wanted to be more than a fuck buddy, but he brushed me off, and I eventually had to move away due to Karla. There has not been one day since then that I did not think about him. I do have strong feelings for him, and I tried to push him and those feelings away as much as I could, same thing hew as doing by brushing me off, pushing away the chance at feeling something. It's a type of self-defense us serial daters have when we realize what we're doing. But now, I look back and I wish that I had tried harder to make it something, and I wish I was there to make it something now. Yes, I am sure he has another prospect, and I don't even know if he felt the same way about me, but I wish I had tried harder because it brings me to tears to think about what I might have had. I did love him, even if that means I am a sap, or a loser, or clueless and naieve. I don't care, that's the honest truth. post comment

Remember me? [25 Feb 2004|03:44am] [ mood | predatory ] [ music | Remember Me, the Bitch that you used to see?- Khia ] Remember when I first started living at J's, and I tried to be compassionate to a teenage girl. Yeah, remind me never to do that again. In response to me putting in my away message that I can remember that high school girls have a hard time with their emotions, Karla wrote this: "Yea, so one thing I remember I can relate to from when I grew up is saying I'm a lesbian and then proclaiming that I want some dick and THEN saying girls in highschool aren't honest about their feelings. Oh wait, I'm not a whore. That must have been someone else. Sorry guys." SO I thought I would respond non-confrontationally, since this seems to be the style of our discourse, and say this: One thing that I can relate to from high school, is that everything is black and white, you are one thing, and if you figure out you aren't that thing, people mistake your ability to be flexible with weakness. No one can tear me down for my sexuality, no matter how confused I am about it. Also, I remember that high school girls will sink to your level, so sink lower, amaze them at how low they will go for a man they never really wanted anyhow. :-) post comment

Don't Trust No Nigga [22 Feb 2004|01:36pm] [ mood | crappy ] We had a horrenous night last night. God almighty, now everyone understands why I don't drink Vodka any more, people just don't realize how much it affects you. Web, AJ, JD, Mir, Steph, and I all were at AJ's last night, we were drinking vodka, and the boys were drinking a mix of henessey, alise, hypnotique, and vodka, which I think is nasty. We all started making out with our respective boys, then JD decided it would be a great idea to switch, because he wanted to get in my pants, but no, I did not let him. As soon as I saw AJ trying to fuck Steph I lost it and was hysterical, everyone stopped what they were doing, and we all started screaming at each other, it was so horrible, all the people I care most about, AND web, were all hating each other, god it took forever for things to calm down, and now nothing will ever be the same. More details as time goes on. Love Sabrina post comment

PARTY!!!! [21 Feb 2004|12:20pm] [ mood | content ] [ music | Do You Like These Hips- Xskwad ] OMG! We had the most bangin party last night! It started with me, Lauren, and Steph going over the AJ's room, and drinking, then AJ and JD and Blue came in, and we all got drunk, then Mir came over. She got drunk too, and so did some white guy who was there. Lauren and Blue left to go do their thing, and me and the other girls got wild. We were stripping and dancing, and having a good old time, til the rest of the whole fucking skwad just walked right in. JD and Michelle got into it because Michelle was jealous that he was hanging with us white girls, and he was really drunk, so he got loud. It was a mess, but after it was cleaned up, and JD and Michelle and everyone else left, we smoked a few bowls, and watched TV. All in all, it was great! post comment

Boyfriend [19 Feb 2004|12:16am] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | Cain't Trust No Nigga-Khia ] I WANT A BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!!!! Someone help me find a good one, please, because obviously, my taste in men sucks. 2 comments|post comment

Update on the situation [10 Feb 2004|07:07pm] [ mood | crazy ] [ music | I ain't Neva Skeered ] I am all settled into Mir's room for the duration. I don't know how long I will be here, but I am not sick any more, for one, and for two, I have access to food and heat and water. Those things are great. I washed my clothes, yippee!!! Anyhow I got the numbers to mercer county social services, I am going to call and find out if then will help me. Wish me luck!!! post comment

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